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Being saddled with the epithet 'fag' or 'queer' was a sure path to social ostracism as well as a few bruises.So, consciously suppressing any attempts to get too close to guys that stirred up my hormones, I played the hetero game with reasonable success. I had sex with someone other than my right hand for the first time when I was fifteen. She wasn't my girlfriend, she was my nineteen year old rather homely and somewhat overweight cousin who was always telling me I was 'pretty'; not an adjective a guy wants to have applied to him if he's trying to stay below the radar. Anyhow, she took my hand and pulled me into the woods at a family reunion picnic and gave me a blowjob that lasted less than a minute before she got a mouthful. I enjoyed it but I think she felt cheated.By the time I went off to college – the first ever in my extended family – I'd dated, made out in the back seats of cars, even groped my fair share of boobs, but I'd never had real sex with a girl other than my cousin. But he soon gave me greater occasion to exclaim, by stooping down and slipping his hands above my garters; thence he strove to regain the pass, which he had before found so open, and unguarded; but now he could not unlock the twist of my thighs; I gently complained, and begged him to let me alone; told him I was not well. However, he saw there was more form and ceremony in my resistance, than good earnest; he made his conditions for desisting from pursuing his point, that I should be put instantly to bed, whilst he gave certain orders to the landlady, and that he would return in an hour, when he hoped to find me more reconciled to his passion for me, than I seemed at present. I neither assented nor denied, but my air and manner of receiving his proposal, gave him to see that I did not think myself enough my own mistress to refuse it.Accordingly he went out and left me, when a minute or two after, before I could recover myself into any composure for thinking, the maid came in with her.
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